Dear Post Master General of the Noosphere:

I am writing to ask about your services. I have been unable to find an FAQ, but I'd like to send thank-yous to Phileas Fogg, Jeramiah who was a bullfrog, etcetera and so on. Not to mention various other inquiries and correspondences I'd like to make.

First, is postage by poetic weight, conceptual distance, or arcane algorithm? Will a blue two pence meme be sufficient for a postcard from North Dakota to the Narnian lamppost? Will a sou of irony deliver a letter from L.A. to the City of Angels? What will it cost me to invite Eloise to tea? How far does an analogy go?

Second, I'm familiar with the classic message in a bottle, but I've heard that you have new services. A friend told me I could post c/o the dead letter office or in the comments section of on-line surveys.

Finally, I'm hoping you can provide return receipts. I haven't heard from Harvey in ages.

I'd appreciate confirmation. I'd appreciate affirmation. I'd appreciate being noticed.

Please drop me a line,
J.W. Ogg